


Welcome to the Jungle (read: Rainforest Cafe)

by fictionalportal



Series: 30 Days of Pride [17]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/F, Oblivious Wynonna, Third Wheels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 17:02:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11257134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalportal/pseuds/fictionalportal
Summary: I was pondering the unique Rainforest Cafe dining experience and this happened. Nicole is a sweetheart, Waverly is a nervous wreck, and Wynonna is a tornado in leather boots. Enjoy!Wynonna unwittingly commandeers Waverly and Nicole's first date when she drags them to dinner in the next town over from Purgatory. Needless to say, it's a mess.





	Welcome to the Jungle (read: Rainforest Cafe)

“Wake up, Baby Girl.” Either the pillow that was hitting Waverly in the face was talking or Wynonna was rudely interrupting a much-needed nap. “We’re going out.”

Waverly opened her eyes and searched for the clock on the wall. 6:43. She sat up on the couch and snatched the pillow from Wynonna. “Isn’t it a little early for your kind of ‘going out?’”

“There’s some new restaurant that just opened a few towns over. It’s jungle themed,” Wynonna wiggled her fingers in Waverly’s face, clearly hoping to entice her sister with the prospect of an exotic dining experience.

“What, the Rainforest Cafe? Wynonna, that's a chain restaurant. I’d rather go somewhere that has actual food, not just nachos served a dozen different ways.”

“Please tell me that nachos a dozen ways is actually on the menu because I am all over that.”

Waverly rolled her eyes. “I already have plans.”

Wynonna skipped offended and went straight to shocked. “What? Gross, don’t tell me you’re back with ferret-face Champ.”

“You almost slept with him.”

Wynonna shrugged. “My standards aren’t exactly limiting. Seriously though, you’re not back with him, are you?”

“No. Definitely no.” Waverly stood up and stretched her arms over her head. “But I do have plans tonight. With Nicole.”

“Well, tell your new best friend Nicole that she’s invited to the nacho jungle adventure of a lifetime.”

Waverly was smart enough to know that she was very much not getting out of this excursion.

***

For residents of Purgatory, a trip to the next town over qualified as exciting. For the Earp heir, it was practically a vacation to a tropical island, even if it was raining sheets.

Waverly spent the hour-long ride in the back of Wynonna’s truck sulking. Nicole sat in the front seat because her legs were too long to fit in the back, and Wynonna didn’t like it when someone left the shotgun seat empty.

“It makes me feel like a soccer mom,” Wynonna cringed.

Wynonna seemed bent on asking Nicole questions, and if Waverly hadn’t known better she would have thought that Wynonna was conducting an interrogation where her primary tactic was making the suspect as uncomfortable as possible. Wynonna wasn’t the most personable of the Earp sisters, but she was certainly determined to make some sort of impression.

“I didn’t know you owned any casual clothes. Kind of assumed you and Nedley lived at the station,” Wynonna said, tapping the steering wheel to no particular beat.

Nicole laughed good-naturedly. “It's nice to get away for a little. It’s gotten harder to run the cop shop with a two-person crew since all this weird stuff started happenin’.”

Wynonna was quiet for a moment. Waverly naively hoped that the awkward conversation would be cut short, but she had no such luck. Wynonna jumped right back in--with personal questions.

“Do I have to call you Officer Haught while you’re off-duty?”

Nicole laughed again, and Waverly made a note to buy her some very nice flowers. “Please don't. But you should still drive the speed limit. I can still arrest you.”

Wynonna smiled sheepishly and eased onto the brakes. “So, Nicole,” Wynonna dragged out both words, easing into the familiarity as comfortably as if she were dipping her finger in melted wax. “You’ve been here...three months?”

“Give or take a week.”

Wynonna nodded. “You arrest any guys around Waverly’s age?”

“Wynonna,” Waverly hissed.

Nicole glanced back at Waverly before replying. “Uh...no?”

“Hmm,” Wynonna started, thoughtfully staring out the windshield. “Any guys she should, you know, avoid? Troublemakers? Small-time shoplifters?”

“So basically people you’d keep company with?” Waverly grumbled. Tonight was supposed to be her first official date with Nicole and Wynonna was inquiring about potential prospects.

Wynonna smirked sardonically into the rearview mirror, completely unaware of her status as a third wheel.

“Well,” Nicole began, “if you ask me, I think Waverly’s smart enough to figure what she wants on her own.” She flashed a little smile, no doubt remembering Waverly’s speech in the police station a few weeks prior.

As they pulled up into the parking lot of a strip mall, Wynonna made an announcement. “This is gonna change your fucking lives.”

“A bold claim for someone who’s never been here before,” Waverly replied.

Wynonna sprinted ahead like a kid running into an arcade. Waverly and Nicole hung back, walking slowly over the wet asphalt.

Nicole squinted at the colorful sign above the entrance. “She drove an hour to come to a mall restaurant?”

Waverly nodded and couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m upgrading the ‘sorry about my sister’ flowers to chocolates. Imported chocolates.”

“You sure know how to flatter a girl on a first date, Waverly Earp.” Nicole joked.

Waverly’s smile tightened, and she dropped her gaze to examine a puddle. “Does this suck? This totally sucks.”

“No!” Nicole exclaimed, wrapping an arm around Waverly’s shoulders. “Though I did think Wynonna was tryin’ to set you up with a criminal for a minute there.”

Waverly looked ahead and saw that Wynonna was already inside, and so she took the opportunity to express her gratitude with a quick kiss on Nicole’s cheek. “You’re the sweetest,” Waverly said. “Dinner is so on me.”

***

The most annoying part of dinner wasn’t the creepy, red-eyed, frog hats that the hostess brought for the table. Nor was it the waitress’ aggressively perky attitude, which Wynonna mocked at every chance. No, the worst part of eating dinner at the Rainforest Cafe was that Waverly couldn’t focus for long enough to read the menu. Nicole had worn some kind of intoxicating perfume--which, the more Waverly thought about it, was probably just the sweet smell of fruit shampoo, proving that Waverly was no less than entranced by her new girlfriend.

Maybe it would have been better if she’d shared a bench with Wynonna instead. But then she’d have spent the whole meal with Nicole’s beautiful brown eyes watching her. They should have sat at a table with chairs. Then maybe Waverly would actually be able to figure out what she wanted to order. Better yet, Wynonna could have stayed home. Then Waverly wouldn’t have to pretend that she wasn’t devoting all of her energy to remaining composed. Wynonna might have been the most oblivious third wheel in the county, but even she might pick up on something if Waverly started kissing Nicole’s neck.

“Wave?” Nicole’s voice pulled Waverly out of her spiral. The waitress stood at the end of the table looking as attentive as an honors student in the first row.

“Tie breaker,” Wynonna said. “Salsa or guac?”

“Uh, salsa,” Waverly said quickly. “Spiciest one they have.”

“Good answer,” Wynonna said with a pleased smile.

“ _Amazing_ answer!” The waitress added, her nose crinkling as she beamed.

Waverly whispered to Nicole, “Sorry.”

“Hey, you’re buyin’. You want salsa, we’ll get salsa,” Nicole replied coyly.

“You’re buying?” Wynonna perked up across the table. Her voice popped up into a higher register, matching the waitress’ chipper squeakiness. “Well, why didn’t you say so? Two more of this _amazing_ drink, please,” Wynonna said, pointing to the frighteningly bright pink liquid in her glass.

“Buying doesn’t mean driving, Wynonna,” Waverly said, sounding much more like a resigned mother of three than she intended.

Wynonna ignored Waverly and continued talking to the waitress. “And one of whatever the ‘rumble in the jungle’ is. _Amazing_ name.”

Nicole watched as Wynonna chugged her glass. Her concern turned to laughter when Wynonna shouted, “Woo!”

“Two more pink parrot lemonades, coming up!” The waitress cheered as she headed for the kitchen.

Most of the meal proceeded similarly, Waverly torn between keeping her feelings under wraps and preventing her sister from getting profanely drunk on hard lemonade. Once they’d finally cleaned their plates, Waverly flagged down the waitress to get the check that she had somehow ended up responsible for paying.

When the waitress came over, she asked, “Did y’all need any dessert tonight?”

Wynonna’s buzzed smile dropped into a wide-eyed, serious expression. “Yes. That would be _amazing_. Bring us the biggest one. We’re celebrating!” She was practically shouting, but the waitress didn’t seem to notice or care.

“Is it a birthday?” The waitress asked, egging Wynonna on.

“My sister,” Wynonna said, pointing across the table, “is _finally_ single!”

Waverly covered her face with her hand. Somehow, Nicole looked amused with Wynonna’s antics instead of annoyed, making it all the more difficult for Waverly to keep from throwing her arms around her and burying her face in Nicole’s chest.

The waitress, confused but enthused, went off to fetch dessert.

“Bathroom,” Wynonna said, standing and tilting her head in the direction of the door as an invitation for Waverly to join her.

Waverly’s nostrils flared, but Nicole jumped in before Waverly could inform Wynonna that she was a big girl who could go by herself. “We’re good,” Nicole said quietly.

“Suit yourselves.” Wynonna started walking away but whirled around to poke a finger at her sister. “Don’t you dare eat all the cake. Or ice cream. Whatever I ordered.”

Wynonna left along with much of the tension in Waverly’s head. Nicole glanced at her with a sideways look that was one hundred percent adorable, and Waverly kissed her cheek.

“Your sister’s ridiculous,” Nicole pointed out.

“Believe me, I know,” Waverly laughed.

“I'm havin' fun.”

Waverly just stared.

Nicole's expression was nothing but genuine. “Seriously! I haven’t gone out once since moving to Purgatory.”

“There’s a family of animatronic elephants that hasn’t stopped moving since we got here.”

Nicole shrugged.

“I suppose that’s hardly weird compared to everything that’s happening back in town,” Waverly said quietly.

Nicole narrowed her eyes. “Why do I get the feeling that you and Wynonna know a whole lot more than you’re lettin' on?”

“I--will tell you. Promise,” Waverly said, taking Nicole’s hand in hers.

Wynonna returned to the booth like a tornado ripping through a rural town, prompting Waverly to withdraw her hand. She sealed her promise with a small smile, and Nicole nodded in understanding.

“VOOOOOOOLCANOOOOOOOO!”

All three of them looked up to see their waitress carrying a large plate on her shoulder. It was piled high with much more than a manageable amount of dessert. She set it down in the middle of the table along with three smaller plates.

“It’s ice cream _and_ cake,” Wynonna said, predatorily curling her fingers into a fist around her fork.

“Enjoy!” The waitress said, dropping the check on the table. 

***

**Author's Note:**

> I'm aware that this is thoroughly ridiculous, yes I am. Thanks for reading :D


End file.
